


My Forged Wings of Freedom

by ElleonoraMint



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blizzards & Snowstorms, F/M, Guilt, Levi didn't chose to be admired, Loss, Love and Blindness, Numbness, One-Sided Levi/Petra Ral, Scarred Levi, hideaway, rivetra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 12:19:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11036064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElleonoraMint/pseuds/ElleonoraMint
Summary: Freezing cold. Levi and Petra are trapped in a blizzard far from any civilization looking into the eyes of fatal exhaustion. Miraculously, they manage to find a hideaway. It's the first and the last time in both of their lives when silence speaks more for itself than words.





	My Forged Wings of Freedom

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Und wer beflügelt mich?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10981107) by [alika61 (ElleonoraMint)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElleonoraMint/pseuds/alika61). 



> G'evening guys!
> 
> May I present you the first translated oneshot of mine? :') 
> 
> Many thanks to Lillianne Matake for beta reading the story! She has done a wonderful job and I'm glad that she can help me provide works of higher quality.

The gate rumbled as though shaken by a thousand galloping hooves. The wind whined, and neighed. Neither wits nor experience were of use when caught up in a situation like this. The only place to keep Captain Levi's and Petra's lives safe was a stony cottage. Surrounded by darkness and snow, the walls seemed at risk to give in, but, as for now, the soldiers could finally think themselves safe from the fatal blizzard.

Buildings of stone.

Inside the walls of Sina, such buildings were considered prestigious. Nonetheless, they still had found such a stony house on the forsaken lands, somewhere between wall Maria and Rose, far from luxury and the rich. It was a miracle that no one claimed possession of it. There was only so much this place could offer - the empty storage, scruffy logs and torn curtains, but the soldiers did not dare complain. In contrast, they appreciated for they have finally found shelter.

“There's flint in here, but most of the logs are worthless,” said Levi as he touched the wood in thought as whether he could find any dry ones at all. “Petra”, he tapped on a few logs in the middle, “help me get these out.”

Truth be told, working themselves through the logs was nothing but back-aching effort. Their fingertips almost turned into cracking fleshy icicles. The cold has left bites on Petra's skin. Both of their bodies trembled as they were still trapped in their soaked clothes, covered in dirt and even their own hair was making them uncomfortable. Even as they noticed the woodlice that escaped from the logs,this was definitely not the right time to act squeamish, not even for Levi. Somehow they managed to lit a fire, yet they were still dizzy from exhaustion.

“Captain,” Petra stuttered. “We have to get out of our soaked gear.”

“And then act as if it’s warmer if we were naked?”

“The curtains,” his subordinate huffed and pointed. The floral patterned fabric starred at them creepily dead-eyed.

Somehow, neither was it embarrassing that they were sharing a table while covered in nothing but underwear and curtains, nor was it awkward or even bewildering. The fire sluggishly fed through its wooden victims. In this very moment not even humanity's strongest could do anything more but wait.

“We don't stand a chance, do we?” Petra asked after awhile. “They will not find us.”

“Perhaps they will. Perhaps not. But after the blizzard ends, we have to try getting ourselves to a scouting post.”

‘What if the blizzard doesn’t end any time soon?’ Petra pondered.These might be their last hours of … whatever remained of their lives. She was way too young to die, but she also recognised that this was a selfish statement. Other young people, teenagers and even children had lost their lives on the front lines by being crashed, eaten and torn before she even had the chance to call herself a soldier. Not to mention that her death would be much easier to accept, considering that she could spend her last moments with the most fascinating hero in their history.

_Captain Levi. Humanity's Strongest. Levi Ackerman. Levi._

This man's flaws made him a perfect human. They made _him_ human. Ral could feel an irreversible affection towards him, although, she didn't know this man well enough to call it “love”. Nevertheless, she looked at him through rose-tinted glasses and she _was_ conscious about it. For all that, her devotion didn't require a particularly logical reason. It was there – just like right then as her eyes settling on the man's profile. The man looked back. From his perspective, Petra's eyes only carried desperation.

“Are you ready for it to happen?” he asked then.

“For what?”

“I'm asking if you are ready to die a fruitless death.”

She contemplated and shook her head.

“I don't think so. What about you, Captain?”

“The thought makes me go mad,” he muttered curtly.

“Same.” Petra wasn't angry. The anger had worn thin within her body and she couldn't feel it any longer. She had been furious and frustrated when she had joined the Survey Corps, but she wasn't a rebellious teenager anymore. Subconsciously, Ral held her breath, and so did everything around her.

“Captain, may I ask you a question?”

This century's greatest discovery harboured right before her, ready to be gripped and pulled on ashore. She could _sense_ it. The words and questions slid smoothly from her lips. They had waited to be spoken in forever. No longer could she waste her time waiting for an appropriate moment to ask, and, thus, she just did what she felt like doing.

Petra and Captain Levi, they were close. Not only physically, that is. During the past few years, she had joined him many times for a cup of tea and well, they chatted. He'd never seemed annoyed and his typically raised voice calmed down upon her presence. Still, he had never let the conversation slip and dive into more personal matters. Levi Ackerman never revealed more than what was already known to the public. Humanity's Strongest was a man who fought steadfastly for Commander Erwin, for freedom and for humanity's victory against the titans. Be that as it may, Ral still wanted to know: What _did_ this man dream of? Did he know thirst? Did he know ache? And, above all, was there anything that could give him a jumpstart back to his childish self and make him, admittedly, scared? She couldn't guess.

Unexpectedly, Levi nodded and allowed for his character to be explored.

“Captain, I am aware you aren't married. Yet, I'm curious,” Petra felt like she had to apologise, “do you have somebody precious who you would never want to hurt by your sudden death?”

“Hurting someone with my death … That's exaggerated, isn’t it?”

“Why?”

Levi obviously wanted to sigh, but he held it back. He exposed his naked shoulder.

“Look,” he said firmly. “This one's a scar that's been inflicted on me twenty years ago in the underground city. Frankly, it's nothing comparable to the dangers of the world outside the walls,” he admitted, “but the fact that the scar's remained until today is a living proof of how much of a cruel world we live in. Our loved ones should celebrate our deaths … for we don't have to endure the cruelty anymore.”

“That's an unsettling attitude, Captain.”

Their eyes tore away from each other and they watched the fire again. The lands outside had gotten black and blue. Whiplashes broke through the night and slapped the door constantly reminding the soldiers of the blizzard.

“I cannot let myself be called Captain, Petra. Our squad is dead.”

“Fine,” Ral whispered, “Levi, then.” A smile rose upon her now warmer lips. “Levi, do you have… a soft spot for somebody?”

A delicately put question like this made Ackerman want to quiver. Nevertheless, he didn't show any discomfort and said that he didn't consider his feelings for anyone a “soft spot”, let alone a “weakness”. Hence, he returned the question.

Petra approved without hesitation, she didn't even catch a breath. Seconds passed by. Once she realized what she had just confessed, Ral couldn't keep her shocked eyes off  of Ackerman. Blood rushed up her face when he met her eyes and they both just kept staring. He didn't look surprised, more like, he steadied his composure and put on a poker face to conceal whatever thoughts arose in his mind.

After an unknown amount of time, Levi got up and checked the fire. He did so in order to escape the pressure of having to actually _react_ to Petra's feelings, and she couldn't blame him for doing as so.

“Listen, I'm telling this everybody who looks at me like you do. And I'm going to repeat myself, Petra,” he paused, “Stop putting me on a pedestal. I've had enough of it.”

Ral wanted to refute his assumption. After all, she did not associate Levi with his title and strength only. He was way more detailed than that and she was willing to recognise all the dark and imperfect parts of him. The true Levi was surprisingly short, irritable, violent and hard to approach. He was even a thug from the undergrounds but he was also the best Captain a soldier could only dream to be instructed by. He held high standards with his men's performance and he gave them nothing less in return. In the moment of death, he held his soldiers' hands and consoled them.

“You don't really like yourself… Don’t you, Levi?”

“It's not about me liking myself.”

“What _is_ it about then?”

Levi sat back next to Petra with an ever so bored expression.

“I don't know. The gawking mobs are annoying.”

Ackerman couldn't care less whether people admired him silently. Crying fans and parasitical suck-ups were the ones he hated. The only things he replied to were his own strength and his comrades' trust. However, he wouldn't mind hearing words of justified liking every once in a while: “I admire you, because I _know_ you. Your power and fame don't play into it.”

The difficulty lied between these lines and Levi's rank as a soldier. He wouldn't know what to do with such fondness, if he were to receive it from someone he felt an attraction for. His rank required him to participate in every expedition and in between those he had to do paperwork. “Humanity's Strongest”, both his body and mind were  worn-out machinery. The exploitation resulted in his lack of social and sexual interest in people. Despite the fact that he tended to feel like an emaciated wick, he didn't desire to be taken care of, and, he would neither had time nor nerves for any sort of affection. Whenever he felt drained, he just had to get with it. No relationship could fix that. Not even his best friend managed to.

“I'm surprised you despise your status _this_ much.”

“Of course I do. I have never **asked** to become who I am. Unfortunately, with abilities like mine, it's impossible to remain incognito. I have to endure the fans. That's the price I have to pay.”

He even had to pay prices higher than enduring “fans”: Levi had witnessed many deaths, because his friends and comrades had decided that he should be their leader. Blinded by his talents, those people had put their deepest trust in him. They had forgotten about him being human – and that he could make mistakes. No matter how many people died from his squad, they kept choosing him over and over again. While they did, he wished he could make his own decisions. Levi wanted to be the one to estimate how _much_ responsibility he could take, not the other way around. He disapproved of being given the responsibility to lead them all. What is more, he tried to hinder their admiration for his choices, because in the eye of death they would realize that he has never been a saint. And that he made a mistake.

“Calling your fans a _price_ _to pay_ is a harsh choice of words, Levi.”

“It's _perfect_.”

The phrase struck Ral like a thunderbolt. In other words, every person who was ready to die under his command, they were “fans”. **She was, too**. Unfortunately, Levi forgot that it was their duty and they were drilled to be capable of sudden self-sacrifice. Military obedience did not equal fanaticism and thus, Ackerman's statement made no sense.

“So if a soldier is ready to risk their lives for their idol, are they already sick with fanaticism?”

“Yes,” Ackerman said.

“But isn't that our main task?”

“Petra,” he narrowed his brows, “I detest commands. I detest responsibility. That's not what I am made of, although, I am a Captain. To be more direct with you: If I was to walk away now, don't follow me.”

“Why would I stay here if you leave?” Petra drowned in a burning sea of misconceptions and lack of understanding.

“Flee from here, Petra, walk the same paths as I did, meet me out there! But don't you ever, god dammit, _ever_ do it because of admiration for your Captain. Be a friend, not a slave. That's what I intend to say.”

Ral held her breath.

“I understand,” she said quietly. Ackerman's attitude towards _love_ seemed clearer now. “How scarred you are!”

“Cut it,” he hissed. “That's a thin layer of ice you're treading on.”

The girl waited a few moments eavesdropping how Levi prepared a kettle. He stirred energetically.

“So you are … afraid of it.”

“Listen to me,” Levi raised his voice, “we may be trapped and it's a shame Erwin's plan failed. We are also the last survivors from the same squad. It might very well be that we'll even _die_ together in this unholy shithole! Despite all that, I won't regret anything I devoted myself to. Solely, it is a scandal that people sentence themselves to death because they **fall in love** with me.”

As for Petra, the truth had been spilled. There must had been someone who had fallen for Ackerman and blindly allowed themselves to be killed because of that. Ral couldn't know exactly what had happened, but she could take a guess.

“Even if they put you on a pedestal, Levi,” she began, “even if you hate them for it,” Ral slipped from the table, “and even if it hurts you to bear this burden – there is no way out from inspiring people if _you_ are _you_. You give them wings, Levi.”

She would've brushed his warm skin, if it suited the moment. She would've looked him in the eye and tried to cleanse his soul, if only it was possible. Petra Ral would've done all that and beyond, she would've fought and blindly died in an epic combat, if it were for a greater cause. Her battle for freedom was fully devoted to Captain Levi. May his mind rest in armistice.

“If I'm giving other people wings, who gives me mine? The titans?”

“Let me do that,” she answered softly.

The raven-haired man was under the sudden impression that his subordinate seriously meant it. Until this moment, she had viewed him with naïve eyes, but that look had changed. There was an unravelled _will_ , and he did not know how to handle it.

“Are you intending to lend me your wings _for a night_ … or do you suggest to _kill_ me?”, he questioned concerned. Certainly, Levi didn't want to let the moment slip because of a misconception.

“Whichever you prefer. I won't praise or judge your decision.”

It felt odd. The captain was used to reacting to such unexpected turns of events, yet now his charge for action seemed to had plummeted to a zero.

Petra's lips trembled slightly on his. In this wet and mouldy room, a pair of cold-dried tongues started sheepishly licking each other before agreeing that they didn't need the fake heat. Timidly, Ral kept caressing Ackerman's mouth. The curtains spread in web-like folds beneath their feet.

“Let me do this just once,” Levi uttered, “and I won't ever need it again.”

Without saying it out loud, Petra's look conveyed the question: “Is this gonna be enough?” and on the other end of the silent conversation, Ackerman answered: “If someone like me is considered enough by humanity, you are also enough for me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I wrote this oneshot back when Attack on Titan - Season 1 first came out. Couldn't help it, I guess. I was a Rivetra fangirl. My ship preferences might have changed now, but, personally, I still like this oneshot.  
> Let met know how you feel about it in the comments below :D Critiques are appreciated!


End file.
